There are 63 days left until Cait and I join our hearts and become one. We will stand together as we exchange vows, say I do and make a covenant with God.
This is my second marriage. I was married once before and I did it for all of the wrong reasons. Firstly, I did not have a relationship with Jesus, nor did I understand why God created marriage or it’s purpose in general.
Now, with keeping the above in mind, I proposed… she said yes… we got hitched. A Pastor in my church taught me that marriage will expose the biggest sins in your life, not make them better. Boy, I wish I knew that before hand!
I was addicted to pornography, lustful and selfish. Three deadly combinations bound for wrecking something beautiful. A year into the marriage I was making love to my MacBook more than I was to my wife and didn’t even think it was a problem. I literally believed it was normal behavior.
This shows how dark the enemy is. He gets us to believe that this immense opportunity in your life is normal. You see no problem at all because he whispers into your ear consistently telling you it’s ok.
Unfortunately, my pornography addiction led to some pretty horrible choices that not only hurt my first wife, but caused a painful divorce, and not to mention a separated household for our newly born son. It took years for my ex wife to forgive me and I lost people closest to me because of my decisions.
My sin lead me to divorce which in turn lead me to Jesus. I started going to church, reading the bible and inviting Christ along into my day every morning. I wanted to mirror His image and allow Him to change my heart and man did I get what I asked for. He slowly stripped away the concreted, sinful layers that took years to build up. I did not realize how numb I was.
I learned that marriage, and the beauty in it’s entirety was more about serving God together than anything else. For the past few years I have focused on molding myself into a Godly man for a woman who was doing the same with her life. I came to the realization that there were so many options of great, Christ-Following women in this world to partner my life with. It was about God! Not me, her or us.
Cait stepped into my life back in May of this year, 2014. She was a follower of Jesus and a kindergarten teacher. She loves God and will be great with my son (who’s now 2) what a resume! I prayed everyday for her, for us and for God to show us what path He wanted us to take.
We became friends, and we got to know one another’s hearts while serving the community of our church together. We shared so many common interests that it was hard to deny the mutual attraction. We spoke openly about our feelings and were brutally honest about our pasts. I told her the truth about my marriage and she didn’t judge me. She accepted me for me just like Jesus did.
I decided to love her. Did you catch that? Let me say it again, I decided to love her. You see, it’s a choice to love another person. It’s not something you “fall into”. Let’s face it, Nicholas Sparks is nice and cozy in the loving world of fiction, but it’s not truth in Christ. One day, the loving romantic feeling will disappear or your spouse will disappoint you. Then what? You leave because they let you down. This happens all to much these days.
When we make a choice to love another soul unconditionally, it means just that. Under “no condition” will I leave or forsake you. Just like God said in Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave nor forsake you”. How many of us practice this verse in our marriage?
Back to the story. Cait told me she decided to love me the day she saw me with my son for the first time. She said that the way I interacted with him as a father was what made her decide. That touched my soul.
Cait and I are to be married on 12-13-14, and I couldn’t be more excited to start this journey with her. We will serve God, hold one another accountable and never look back. We want to make Jesus famous together, and we have big plans to do so.
I hope this encouraged someone out there for many reasons. Just because we have failed, disappointed, let down, hurt and deceived people does not mean it’s too late for Christ to change your heart. I was in the trenches, a horrible sinner and by all means the antonym of Godly! But, in the middle of the darkness that I caused myself, Jesus reached into my heart and consumed my life. He loved me at my lowest and praises me at my highest all while keeping me humble.
I’m far from perfect, and Cait knows that but she accepts it. She will never love me as much as she loves Jesus, and that is beautiful.
I’d love to hear from some of you if this has encouraged or inspired you:
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Andrew Diamond 